OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
40s are totally the cure
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
