K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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