I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
