i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
