Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
