You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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