I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
