i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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