My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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