remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
