Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
