So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
