She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
