He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
