I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
