My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize