I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
