I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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