two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
