u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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