It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
