Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
