It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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