No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
