apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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