i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
