Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
