can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
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thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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