I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
