so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
