Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
