3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish I only lived at night.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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