In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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