Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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