stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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