So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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