oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Everclear isn't food dammit
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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