I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
