Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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