quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Im part way to drunk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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