I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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