He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
