I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
