God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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