i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
