This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
