Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
