Taylor Swift is so right about you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
