false alarm. still invincible.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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