so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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