I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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