first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
