Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize