New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
