You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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