D3 body, D1 cock
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
