Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
