I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
