CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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