I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
