Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
