508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
