My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
