she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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