Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
