I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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