there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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