i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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